Her Own
by ily-lautner
Summary: Ellie Svanna is Isabella Swan,after horrible tragedy Witness Protection Program changed her.Under all that pressure she has become anorexic. When she meets Edward Cullen a professional cook can he convince to find her hunger again?or will Ana take her..
1. Chapter 1

Ellie Svanna is Isabella Swan, after horrible tragedyo Witness Protection Program changed her. Under all that pressure she has become anorexic. When she meets Edward Cullen a professional cook can he convince to find her hunger again? or will The Ana inside her take her forever?

Her Own

Chapter 1: Little Voice

I sat down silently in the dumpy, musky smelling seats of the library. I picked up a random magazine and began flipping through it.

_Keira Knightely has been seen recently too skinny, rumors are flying that Kiki has become mia again. What happened to the fill out beauty?_

I threw the magazine down.

"too skinny" I scoffed in my head, stalking out the library doors. I pulled out my pack of cigarettes and lit up, walking towards my apartment a few blocks away. I had been relocated a couple times since WPP had been involved.

I pushed through a crowd of young girls all staring at me, just for them I puffed my smoke out in large billows right behind them so the wind would catch and they'd cough. Sure enough after a few seconds, I hard them start coughing, hacking and quickly walking away.

_You're a real asshole you know that?_ The little voice in my head said quietly

_Oh shut up, their mother's should of taught them not to stare _I said back in my head

_You know why they were staring.._

I battled with this voice all the way down the street.

I bumped into people, my bones aching. I avoided the mirrored windows of the shops and cars, looking straight ahead or at my quickly moving feet.

I was almost to my apartment, and I was digging in my bag for my cellphone when I slammed into someone, I dropped my bag and all my contents fell out, my makeup cracking a spilling out onto the pavement. I heard a sickening clunk as my shoulder dislocated again.

"Hey, watch it asshole" I rubbed my shoulder.

"Are you alright?" I deep soft voice.

I bent down to scoop up my cigarettes, lighter, cellphone,ipod and diet pills and any makeup that wasn't destroyed.

I glanced up to see a tall man standing above me.

His eyes were shadowed by high cheek bones, but you could see the light pale green. His pale skin shone oddly in the light, his bronze red hair was tousled back and messy. He ran a nervous hand threw it. His wore light blue jeans and a black trench coat with a yellow scarf, he gazed down at him a really look a concern in his eyes.

I popped my shoulder back in wincing.

"Are you alright miss?" He said again, pulling out his cell phone.

"No, no, I'm fine, it's just my shoulder" I smile nonchalantly and started to leave.

"Wait, can I do something to make it up to you?" He grabbed my arm, the coolness of his fingers pressed through my baggy sweatshirt. "Look, I own a restaurant, maybe I can give you a free dinner?" He suggested while I avoided his eyes, grabbing another cigarette.

"No, no, it's fine, it was an accident" I needed to get out of here.

"Alright, but it's called Squisito and it's just a couple blocks from here, you should pop in sometimes" He smiled at me, and I nodded sharply and briskly walked away. I threw open the door to my apartment. I threw my purse down on the black bean bag and stalked over to my bed,which was a thick mattress with pillows and a dark green duvet. I stripped off my sweatshirt and jeans, kicking off my heels and pulling my hair out of it's bun.

I used to look a lot different. I had long brown curly hair and big brown eyes. But then WPP got involved, they gave me blue coloured contacts and cut my hair differently and died it black at first, but then I died it blond and kept the black underneath.

**( all links on profile)**

I stood in front of the mirror for a while, staring at me.

I had a lip piercing, and a nose ring, and two rings on my right eyebrow, in my left ear I had five piercings and in my right ear I had three. I had seven tattoos:

I had two " " on my left and right shoulder blades, small black birds flying around my right shoulder, in the front, music notes behind my ear, a treble cleft/heart on my foot, a heart beat along my left wrist with "L' amour fou" at the end and a key on my right wrist. And then on both hips I had a trail of stars.

**( all links on profile )**

My skin was heavy and thick on my body. I stepped on the scale. 112, for someone who as 5'7 that was disgusting.

_You're a fucking pig Isabella._

I used my full name to reprimand myself_. _I pulled at the fat along my legs and stomach, feeling like puking. I closed my eyes and remember one of the better moments before the WPP ruined everything.

"_Bella, you're beautiful" He smiled, his black hair shining in the sun. I smiled slightly. _

"_Not as beautiful as you are" I clasped my hand into his, walking along The Beach. I waves crashed against the rocks and the smell of clean air tingled my nose. I liked how our hands felt together. They felt right. His large and warm. His soft russet brown skin in contrast with mine. _

"_Jacob" I said quietly , pulling him to a stop. He looked down at me, his huge hulking frame large black , his large black eyes and his large thick lips. He looked at me silently, his chopped messy hair moving in the wind.  
I took a deep breath, standing in front of him, I pushed our fingers together closer, tighter, hoping he wouldn't let go._

"_Jacob, you're all I have left.. and.. and after my mom died and dad started working more often, you were the closest thing I had to anything. But.. I don't want to be family anymore.. I want to be something more.. Jacob.. I.. _

I tore open my eyes, his beautiful face dissolving from my sight. I felt the aching pain in my heart and the tears threatening to spill. I wiped them away viciously, my reflection stared back at my, my dull hollow blue eyes glimmering, the skin bulging and stretching across me. My face became deformed.

"Fat. Ugly. Disgusting. " I choked out, I threw myself through the doors of the bathroom, my knees skidding on the tile. I felt the bile rising in my throat, my lips felt dry and teeth felt like chalk. I gagged, my head lurching into the toilet.

I pulled away a few seconds later, my stomach tumbling and turning inside me, growling in protest. I inspected the contents in the toilet; red blood spattered the sides and the water was dark red. My throat was burning.

"Shit" I cursed and got up, rubbing my hands and flushing the toilet.

_Get you're head out of your ass and get some help Isabella_, the voice said in the back of my mind.

'


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: In Himself, There's Her

Edwards POV

I shut my eyes and her face was scratched into the backs of my eyelids.

Her large blue eyes, empty, sunken into her face, large dark bags beneath them, her plump pink lips chapped and dry, the way the cigarette fit in her mouth, the lone white scar from right eyebrow, jagged across her face to the left side of her mouth, where a thick scar sat. Her skin was pale and looked a smooth as silk. Her skin pulled over her cheekbones in an unhealthy way, and her hands were thin and frail. The rest of her body, mostly covered by clothes, was a mystery, but I could only guess what was hidden there. More nothing. She seemed hollow and dead, nothingness. I could feel her aching pain from the way she looked at me. Something deep inside her was gone, any passion in her must have been destroyed. Her weak trembling lips as she declined my offer for a free meal. The off colour of her cheeks as I mentioned the name Squisito, and the shiny contrast of scar tissue against skin along her wrist as she rummaged threw her purse, but beyond anything underneath it all she was truly beautiful.

I snapped my eyes open, rubbing at my head furiously. I felt something kick in inside me, this girl, this stranger was in pain and she needed someone. I hoped with deep burning hope I would bump into her again.

Over the next few weeks, I made sure I would walk down the same street, everyday looking for her.

Nothing.

I never saw her, I hoped with everything I had, nothing had happened to her. I had a weird protective feeling for her, maybe it was because she looked so vulnerable.

I went and made sure everything was going alright in the restaurant, then I wandered up and down the streets looking for this girl. I don't know what I would say even if I saw her, but I knew she needed somebody, and I wanted to be that somebody.

Finally one day, I saw her, she was walking briskly down the sidewalk, her long blond and black hair tied in braids. Her eyes were ringed with black make up and blue eyeshadow, she wore a pair of blue ripped jeans, that looked like they were the smallest size ever, and long black button up trench coat, her head was covered with a purple beanie hat, a green scarf fluttered behind her.

I don't know what happened, but I think the panic, shock and excitement of actually seeing her was overwhelming, I found myself walking right towards her, she was looking down at her white fingerless gloves. I walked right into her, but only gently I didn't want to harm her again.

"Ooph" She looked up at me, her blue eyes dull. "Oh, not you again" She groaned

"Oh, I'm sorry," I looked away, pretending to be looking for someone. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but if it's not a bother I'm looking for someone" I lied "Tall, dark reddish skin, black hair" I described randomly " Do you think you could help me...? Uh, what's your name?" I looked down at her, her face was a whole different shade of grey now.

"Oh, shit, I'm sorry did I say something wrong?" I said worried, I pulled her into a nearby coffee shop, sitting her down in a chair. She looked around anxiously, her hands shaking as she lit a cigarette.

"Sorry, Miss, there's no smoking in here" A waiter grunted obnoxiously, she lay the cigarette down on the steal table.

"What's your name?" I said quietly, looking at her closely.

"Isa.." She started "Elliot Svanna, But Elle for short." She said quietly, picking at a thread in her knit gloves.

"Well, Elle, I'm Edward Cullen, pleased to meet you." I smiled charmingly at her, but she was looking around frantically like she needed to get away from here.

"I'm so sorry for the other day" I said watching her.

A waiter came up and stood at our table.

"Would you like anything?" He asked monotonously,

"Um, Elle?" I gestured to her, but she paled and shook her head vigorously.

"And yourself sir?"

"No, no I'm fine" I was staring at her, her shaking hands.

"Are you alright Elliot?" I said, reaching across the table, wanting to take her hand, but moved away at the last moment

_Slow down Cullen, she doesn't know you.._

She glanced up at me, her forehead puckering.

"I... I don't know.." I said quietly, shaking her head, a few long loose strands loosening from her braids, falling against her face. She picked at her gloves again.

"Look, if you want somebody to talk to, or anything, I I know this sounds crazy because I don't even know you, but you seem.. like you've got a story to tell, if you'd like to get together for drinks" I smiled politely "I'm only in town for a month or two, I live down in Forks, Washington...." I trailed off, she was scribbling something down on the napkin with a used looking black pen.

"Here, these are my numbers. The top on is my work number, I'm a writer for a local magazine, the

next one's my home and the cell one is my cell. Call whenever, I'm rarely busy and I'll do anything but go for dinner or go dancing" She smiled, "But I've got to go, see you around Mr. Cullen" She said slyly, picking up her bag and hustling out of the coffee shop.

_You're one perverted lucky ass bastard Cullen._

Ellie's POV

As soon as I got in that coffee shop, I needed to get out. All the yummy coffee's and cookies and cakes.

_You could just go for dinner and get a salad with dressing on the side_ that little voice pushed

_NO! You know how pathetic salad with dressing on the side sounds!_ I screamed at her.

I decided to name my second voice. I'd call her Bella. My real name. Isabella Marie Swan. Not Elliot Leigha Wynn Svanna. What the hell kind of name is Elliot for a girl anyways? How stupid could the WPP have been. I got back to the apartment threw my bag down on the bean bag chair. I felt the best I had in a long time. A good looking...

No scratch that a really good looking guy wanted to get together sometime. I was so happy, for the first time in forever I felt hunger. Was it possible? I really craved a nice juicy apple..

**( Haha. The Forbidden Fruit..)**

I walked slowly over to the always stocked fridge, wondering if this was some kind of cruel joke my body was playing on me.

_Go on, eat it, it'll be great._ Bella persuaded me.

I slowly opened the gleaming silver fridge door. Smells I had forgotten bursting into my nose. My mouth watered. I picked a few sticks of celery and the biggest apple in the fridge.

I stood at the counter debating.

_Cele_ry,_ is_ _ just water and apples are water and natural sugars. _Bella was glowing out of me at all openings.

_And plus, do you think a guy like Edward wants Ana and Mia? No he wants Bella and Elliot._

That convinced me. I plunged my teeth into the apple, the juice dribbling down my chin. The skin rubbed my sore gums, my taste buds bursting and tingling. The only thing they tasted in the last few years was diet pills, water and toothpaste. They were practically doing a dance in my mouth.

I finished the apple and took my time on the celery, savoring it and chewing it slowly.

Over the next few days, I ate and didn't binge and purge and I exercised. I felt happy and full and it felt like life was coming into me. I stepped onto the scale a few weeks later, glancing at a pamphlet I had gotten from a health magazine, it said for a 5"7 woman the norm for a woman was 125-140 lbs. I was 120, which seemed fine. I had been going to the gym a lot, eating yogurt and granola and fruit or cereal for breakfast, I ate lunch at different shops, trying out different thing I had missed out on, and every night I cooked myself dinner, my mother had been a chef when she was alive and taught me a lot of thing. I really loved my moms famous Cream of Mushroom soup. Roasted mushrooms, garlic, cream, celery, salt pepper, stick it in a blender, then boil it to thicken it. It was so good and so worth the calories. After a while I decided I needed a new look. I pulled on sweats and a cardigan and sneakers and walked down to the salon. I told the hairdresser to make me look softer, so she did.

**( Link on profile)**

I had light brown hair with long layers and swooped curls around my face with side bangs. I thanked the girl and paid and then went to the mall.

The Bella inside me was doing a backflip with joy.

I bought new fitted skinny jeans, UGG boots, a bunch of shirts, vintage tees and such and such, a couple hoodies, another pair of jeans, a couple sweaters a couple hats, green converse, and one pair of teetering high heels, just because they made my legs look great.

I was just about to leave when I spotted THE dress.

It was light pink and a halter it looked to come to the middle of my thigh. It two swooping lines of the soft fabric from the neckline to the bottom of the dress.

This was the dress, I grabbed it in my size, still a small and hunted down the perfect pair of shoes.

A pair of silk ballet slippers with squared toes and little bows. I smiled giddily.

**( Link for clothes on Profile)**

_You're beautiful _ Bella said inside me and I finally agreed.

**Authors Note:**

_**Alright I'm sorry, but I REALLY didn't**_**_Ana Bella any more... It's just too damn depressing. _**

_**But mores to come ; ]**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Please, if anyone feels this way, talk to me or professionals, we can't afford to lose anyone else in the world. There's hope. You're beautiful **_

_**1-800-SUICIDE **_

_**1-800-784-2344**_

Chapter 3: There and Back Again

When I got back to the apartment my message machine was flashing.

I hit the play button, dropping my bags on my bean bags chair.

"_Hey, Elle, it's uh.. Edward, I wanted to know if you wanted to, uh, go out maybe tonight? If you wanted. We could meet in front of Squisito and go somewhere." He laughed a little and then read out his number "Well, call me, later... oh yeah and it's .. Edward I think I said that though.." _

I laughed out loud at the message. If this boy had been interested in me before, hopefully he still will be.

I grabbed an apple and ate it while pondering on whether to call him back right away. I had just missed the call by a couple minutes.

I dialed him number slowly, then held the phone gently to my ear.

"Cullen here" I heard him say.

"Hello Cullen" I smiled

"Elliot!" He sounded exasperated, there was a lot of shuffling and papers moving and a thud and more shuffling, I heard him yell at a bunch of people and more shuffling.

"Is.. This a bad time?" I said, thinking if I had anything on tonight.

"No, No, No" His melodic voice sounded muffled

"Edward?" I leaned away from the phone as there was a loud screech and crash

"Yes, hi, Elliot" He said, there was no more crashing or banging or anything.

"Um, I think I can do something tonight, if you're.. alright.."

"SCREW OFF MIKE!" I heard him scream.

"Edward?!" I was kind of angry now, he was being completely irrational to whomever needed him, I wasn't that important "Call me back when you can talk" I hung up, plopping down on my couch, staring out the floor the ceiling windows.

I noticed a small red book lying on the table.

My diary, I hadn't even looked at it in almost four weeks, I pulled it open and read the last entry

_I purged 4 times today. The last one there was a lot of blood. I'm getting scared. It's really hard now, not like in the beginning, but every time I look in the mirror I see fat and disgust. I want to feel beautiful, like Jacob made me feel.. I want to feel loved, like Jacob made me feel. I want to feel me. I want to feel Jacob again.._

I shut the book and felt a tear slip from my eye, sliding down my cheek. I put the yellowed dogeared book in my bookshelf, right in the middle. I jumped when the phone rang.

"Hello?" My voice cracked and I sniffled

"Hi, Elliot, look, I'm so sorry" He said, I sniffed again, "Are you alright?"

"Look, maybe tonight's not the best night to go out, turns out I have to ..uh.. go get groceries. Maybe another day.." I said quietly, almost sounding like a whimper.

"Ellie.. Are you okay?" He said sounding concerned

"Yeah whatever" I said and hung up.

I took off my new clothes and yanked a brush threw my hair. I stared at my reflection in the mirror.

I didn't look that different.

My bones still jutted out against my skin, my skin was still pale, my eyes still blue.

Then, suddenly, my reflection bulged in the mirror, my skin growing from myself until it was hanging over my sweatpants. I saw myself for what I really was.

Fat.

I tumbled to the ground, I felt the cold hard floor and the hot wet tears and the useless attempt to be happy. I would always be me, no matter how hard I tried.

I new what I had to do.

It was leaking out of me, the cold, hard, sharp, jagged edge.

I crawled to the kitchen, pulling myself up, I dug into the drawer. At the very back there was a slip, I dug my fingers in feeling the cool blade. I pulled it out, slumping to the floor. My fingers shook at I pulled my sleeve up, revealing a long messy row of scars.

I decided to make a new mark and start somewhere new, I pulled it up higher to reveal my bare bicep. I took a deep shaky breath. I felt the sharp blade cut my hand as I pushed the tip into my skin, the blood pooling out against it, trickling to the floor. I dragged it from my shoulder to my elbow, not caring how deep it was. I pulled it out and dropped it to the floor, staring at the red liquid coming from the wound. The rusty, salty smell making my teeth grind. I clamped my hand over the cut, trying to slow the bleeding.

It wouldn't. It was pouring out of the now wide deep wound.

"Shit" I cursed, grabbing a towel trying to wipe up the the blood on the ground. But, I my wounded arm, that had been holding me up, gave out, sending my crashing to the ground. My head hit the ground, and I could feel the warm blood, wetting my hair and neck. I blinked a couple time, darkness shrouding my vision. I took a deep breath and smiled, hoping fearfully that wherever I was going I'd see my love.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Don't give up. **_

_**1-800-SUICIDE **_

_**1-800-784-2344**_

Chapter 4: Tracking Her

Edwards P.O.V

I knew something was wrong. The moment Elliot ended the call, I was running. Running to find a phone book. I looked her up and found her address. I told Mike that I was going to run an errand and got in my car and drove. I found her apartment building and asked the concierge which level and number Elliot Svanna lived in. The elevator took too long so I took the stairs, rushing up them, pushing myself to go faster knowing something was deadly wrong. I knocked on the door, but no one answered. I tried the handle and it swung open.

"Ellie?" I called, hearing no reply I walked into the home, seeing her shoes and coat on the bean bag chair. "Elliot?" I said again looking in the bedroom, there were large shopping bags and clothes strewn everywhere. I walked into the living room, and found no one. I heard a rustle from the kitchen and walked slowly over. I didn't want to see what I knew I would see. I couldn't even think straight. I walked towards the sound and threw my hand over my mouth, gagging at the sight: Elliot had a deep cut straight from her bicep, where blood was gushing out of. Her neck was twisted at an odd angle and blood was staining her hair. She looked different.

"Oh my god" I yelled. I grabbed a towel from the bathroom and wrapped it around her, picking her up easily. I wrapped around towel around her arm and ran to the elevator, knowing the stairs would be dangerous. I held her close and checked her pulse which was still beating, thank god. When the doors open I yelled at everyone in the lobby to call an ambulance, brushed her wet hair out of her face. She looked different. Her hair was soft brown and there was colour in her cheeks. Her face was filled out more and her bones looked softer against her skin. I set her down on one of the plushy sofas in the lobby, people immediately moving out of the way. I held the towel around her arm tighter, trying to stop the blood from pouring out. I heard the call of sirens and the paramedics came in and strapped her into the stretcher. When I was about to climb into the back with her, the guy stopped me.

"Do you have relations with her sir?" He said sternly.

"Yes, she's my girlfriend" I lied smoothly. I climbed into the truck and held Elliot's hand as we rushed to the hospital. The medic wrapped gauze around her arm and pulled her shirt off. I looked around politely but my head snapped back when I heard him pull in a shaky breath.

Her ribs stuck out at odd angles against her skin, as her chest rode and fell. There were long white scars along her abdomen. As he checked her pupils for dilation, he grimaced and pulled out two coloured contacts. I was shocked. Her eyes were soft melted chocolate brown instead of the dull hard blue. He wiped away the blood that held to her face and smooth white of the scar on her face looked neon in contrast to the red. We arrived at the hospital and I was told to wait. I read and tried to amuse myself with my phone. I called my father, Carlisle, and he said the best possible thing is to get Elliot away from her comfort zone. I called my mother, Esme and she said she thought I should cook for her when Elliot got out of the hospital. Which I thought was a good idea. Soon the doctor came out to talk to me.

"We almost lost her in there" He said grimly "Ms. Svanna suffers from a strong form of anorexia and bulimia and her scars show long time depression and suicidal cutting. We've put her on some medication for pain and ordered some pills to neutral out the moods. I also strongly advise you check her into a rehabilitation center. I'm so sorry" He nodded and walked away. I slowly walked into her room, inspecting the damage.

Her arm was stitched up and the gash on her forehead had a couple stitches too. There was an IV in her arm and her hair was tied out of her face.

"Edward?" She croaked, I whipped my head around to see her eyes cracked open.

"Hey." I sat down on the chair by her bed.

"I'm.. sorry.." she whispered and her eyes shut softly.

"You shouldn't be" I smiled and gathered her hands in mine.

Elliots P.O.V

I felt my head hit the ground and just closed my eyes. Warmth was creeping down my neck and back.

_I opened my eyes and saw a white shining sun. I looked around and saw a figure walking down the beach. I ran towards it, but pulled up short. It was Jacob. And Bella. _

"_Bella, you've got to promise me something" He smiled, my heart ripping open, it had been so long since i had seen that smile._

"_Sure Jake" Bella grabbed his hand and smiled back at him, starting to walk down the beach again, but he stopper her. _

_I slupped to the ground clutching my chest taking in deep ragged breaths. _

"_You have to promise me that even if I'm not there anymore, or we're not together, you've got to stay safe, no matter what. And you have to always believe that I'll always, always love you. No matter where we are. Please" He said. _

_I tried to pull myself up off the ground and got to my knees. I crawled over to Jacob. _

"_Please Jacob. Help me!" I screamed pulling myself up. I wrapped my arms around his waist. "Please" I sobbed" I felt his arms wrap around me also. "Please" I sobbed "I love you. I need you so much. Come back." I cried, he pulled my face up from his chest. _

"_Baby, let her be a part of you" He smiled, holding me tighter still._

"_W-What do you mean?" I whispered, never wanting to let go. _

"_Let Bella come out. She's still in there. Elliot or Bella, whoever you are. You're still beautiful. And you're still mine" His eyes melted into mine. _

"_Oh Jacob, please don't leave me again.." I sobbed tears still pouring out of my eyes. _

"_I'm always with you, no matter what. I promise." He leaned down towards me, his lips inching towards mine. I felt myself stretch towards him. My hands shook as I pressed then against his face, his soft lips brushed mine and i felt myself floating._

"_I love you so much Jacob" I whispered. _

"_I love you too Bells. Take care of yourself. You're beautiful. Be safe. I didn't want this to happen. I didn't mean to hurt you" He whispered and kissed me again. I opened my eyes to see nothing. I was alone. A rush a cold hit me at a crushing force. _

"_Come back" I whispered, sinking to my knees again, i dug my fingers into the sand. "Come back" I said lowder "Come back!" I screamed, my head falling to the ground. I sobbed clutching the empty hole in my chest. "Jacob" I whispered, feeling the sharp edges of my chest stinging and burning. There was a faint sound in the back of my mind. _

"_Elliot?" Someone called _

"_Yes, Jacob, I'm right here!" I called _

"_Elliot?!" In a more frantic voice. I ran towards where i thought he was, but found nothing. _

"_Oh, God, . God. Elliot!" The voice yelled. I felt myself being moved, i ran towards him and fell. _

_Fell for a long time. Nothing, surrounded me forever, covering everything. I was sinking and i tried to press back, i needed to breath. _

"_Someone call an ambulence!" I heard a dull voice. _

_I fell for what seemed forever._

_The faint sound of sirens, voices, probing fingers, soft hands. An itchy blanket. More noise, worried voices. Cold metal. Sleep now. _

"_Let him love you" I heard Jacob's velvet smooth voice in my ear. _

"_I can't, i need you" I said back feeling cool fingers against my arm, twisting to find nothing. _

"_You need each other. Let him love you" I heard him again. _

"_Jacob, where are you?" I called tears streaking mercicily down my cheeks. _

"_Don't try and find me, my beautiful" He said quietly "I'll find you" I heard him laugh _

"_Jacob, please.. please. Don't leave me.. I can't take it anymore. Please!" I cried out in agony, clutching my heart, pounding fearcly against my chest, though it felt there was nothing there. _

"_I've got to. I love you, remember that. You're my beautiful" He said. _

"_No. Stop leaving me!" I screamed "Please!" My body racked with sobs i had kept down for so long._

_I touched the braclet on my wrist, with the wolf on it. From the night Jacob had told me those Quilete ledgends i knew i'd never leave his side. Untill now. _

_These were true pieces of life, true pieces of the man who had forsaken everything for me and had given up everything for the both of us. I held no anger towards him for his decisions, only anger towards myself for being the reason for their deaths. Guilt rocked my body harder and I fell quicker as I struggled to breathe as the waves of remorse tore through my body and soul. I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want this to happen. I closed my eyes and saw him. Everywhere I looked I saw him. I had lied to myself for so long. I felt nothing more then pain in myself as I looked around me. Seeing our memories. Our life. Us. I looked down in my lap and saw a t-shirt. I gathered in my hands, knowing it was his. I pressed my face into it, my tears soaking it. I opened my mouth, closed my eyes and saw nothing but him. _

_I screamed. _

_I screamed for all the diversities we had overcome. _

_I screamed for every time he had said he loved me. _

_I screamed for the pain that hit me, and him, wherever he was. _

_I screamed for myself because I hoped to everything I believed in that he was okay. _

_I screamed because I knew deep down he was. _

_I screamed because of everything. _

_I screamed because I had lost everything. _

_But mostly I screamed for my loss, for my guilt that I had never expressed._

_I opened my eyes and I couldn't see. Sobs hotting my ribs again and again, shrouding my vision._

"_I'm so sorry" I screamed. I had taken such a precious thing and ruined it. I had taken Jacob from everyone. I buried my face in my hands. "It's my fault." I screamed. " I never meant to take you from everyone" I whispered. "It's my fault." I shook and shivered. "I never meant to take you away from your life." _

_I never meant to take you away from me. _

"_Please." I whispered. "Please!" I screamed. _

_I felt a presence next to me and looked up to see my father. He was standing in front of two trees. The memorial trees of Jacob and I, we were supposedly dead. He sunk down to his knees, pressed his hands to both the roots. _

"_I miss you guys so much" He whispered his eyes glistening with tears. "Bells, you would've been so proud of everyone. They've handled everything so well. Well, except me" He laughed his tears spilling over. "I've been a mess. And Jake, I really need my car fixed. Come back to me you guys. I need you back" He whispered, his chest heaving up and down._

"_Dad, I'm so sorry." I cried and the scene dissolved. I shut my eyes and the sobs aching my throat. _

"_I'm so sorry. I've missed you too" I sobbed. _

"_I'm coming home. I promise" I cried quietly. _

_**Wow.. I'm crying so fucking hard right now. **_


	5. Chapter 5

_**Don't give up. **_

_**1-800-SUICIDE **_

_**1-800-784-2344**_

_**oh my peanuts! I haven't put in a disclaimer yet! Eek. Sorry SM. **_

_**I own Elliot. Yay **_

_**Elliot-... **_

_**But not Twilight... **_

Chapter 5: Repairs

B POV

I opened my eyes hoping it was all dream. Wishing that the ache in my chest was Quil, my old dog. And I'd open my eyes and see Jacob staring back.

I cracked my eyes open to see bright lights and beeping machines. I felt tightness my my arm and turned to see at least seventy stitches on my upper arm. My head was aching and there was an IV in my arm.

_Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. _

He was there. Sitting in a chair, inspecting me.

"Edward?" I whispered, my voice sounded odd in my ears.

"Hey"He smiled, I had never noticed how green his eyes were. Or how his crooked smile gave me butterflies. Or how soft his skin looked. Or the odd colour his hair was.

I could feel myself falling out of consciousness, but I needed to say one thing.

"I'm.. sorry.." I said quietly. And my eyes dropped shut. I heard him chuckle, a sweet delightful musical sound. I just felt myself go back to sleep, no dreams of long lost memories. It felt like I had just closed my eyes when I opened them again. I moved to sit up, rubbing my eyes and groaning as the pain shot threw my arm from putting weight on it. I felt someone's hand touch my back, helping me up.

"Don't strain yourself" I heard him say, my head whipped to the side and I saw Edward sitting there, smiling crookedly, I let myself go and he helped me to sit up easily. I noticed the smallest things, like how that lock of his hair stayed a little out of place with the rest, the way his cheeks moved when he smiled, the colour of his skin, the sweet scent that lingered on my shoulders.

"You stayed?" I said quietly, rubbing my cheek.

"Yeah, you blew off our date" He rolled his eyes

"I'll make it up to you" I laughed slightly, it felt different.

"Would you like something to eat?" He cocked his head to the side looking at me

"Oh, no, I'm fine" I lied as I felt my stomach ache

"Elle, I know, I was the one that found you. Please. Eat, you've been out for three days, I'm surprised they haven't put a feeding tube in you" He tried to make it a joke, but started apologizing when I grimaced.

"I guess I could have some food" I shrugged my shoulders

"Okay, well I'll run down to the Restaurant and get you something good" He smiled.

I sighed, closing my eyes.

E POV

I ran down to Squisito and grabbed a fettuccine, goats cheese and garlic pizza, a to go bowl of pesto pasta, fresh bread, a jug of juice and a chocolate mousse and headed back to the hospital. I sat down on the chair and saw Elliot asleep and didn't want to bother her.

"Hey" her voice cracked and her eyes opened

"I brought you some of my favourite" I smiled showing her

"Can I have a glass of juice please, my throat feels like a desert in July" She smiled

I fed her and made sure she was alright for two weeks and finally when they released her from the hospital I brought her to the restaurant. She looked so different. Her face was full and happy, her cheeks light pink, her lips always spread into a smile. Her body still had the delicate look about it, but it was alright. She'd be alright. We met for lunch everyday at Squisito and sometimes we'd go to her place and I'd teach her how to make stuffed mushrooms and we tasted the best wines in Phoenix. She changed a lot too: Her voice was still soft and fluttery but it had a certain sound to it now. She laughed more and smiled more and her body filled out and within a month, she looked phenomenal. Her hair had grown a bit more and she had gone back to get it died blonde again, because 'She was more comfortable with it that way'. And finally one day we were sitting in her kitchen eating our freshly baked banana chocolate muffins when I summoned up the courage to ask her the question that had been bothering me since the accident.

"So what's with the blue contacts?" I said munching on my muffin.

She coughed and grabbed her glass of water and taking a sip and touching her chest slightly.

"W-What?" She blushed taking another sip of her water.

"The blue contacts, the medic took out of your eyes in the ambulance" I smiled a small smile

Her eyes widened "I don't know what you're talking about.." She rolled her eyes "Well, you best be going soon right?" She stood brushing the crumbs off her jeans.

"Elliot, I saw them" I signed standing up and pulling her down on the couch.

"Oh, THOSE blue contacts.. I.. I wear them because I think brown eyes are lame" She rolled her eyes and stood trying to pull me up also, but I pulled her back down.

"You swear?" I knew she was lying "You swear that's the real reason, you're not keeping something from me, or anything right?" I looked straight into her hard blue eyes.

"I.. I.. S-swear" She nodded pulling me up again "Now, you've got to go because I've got a column to write and you're distracting me" She pushed me towards the door

"You're lying," I laughed "Just tell me the truth Ellie" I smiled trying to convince her, she melted a bit bit then hardened again.

_God I wish you'd just let me in_

"No, you've got to go!" She shoved me again

"Ellie, just tell me" I sighed pressing a hand to the door frame so she couldn't push me out

"You've got to go Jacob!" She pushed me again and slammed the door.

I slid my back down her door and pressed my head into my hands

What is she not telling me...

B POV

I sunk down against the door, running my hands through my hair.

_Just tell him_ Bella urged

_I can't! Even you know that.._

_But he'll understand!_

_No, I'll get moved again!_

_Nobody needs to know..And you called him Jacob _

"Fuck. I swore, hitting my head against the wall.

"Elliot!"He knocked, his voice quiet, muffled through the door "Just open the door" he said sternly

"I can't tell you Edward!" I said back, covering my face with my hands.

"What is it that's so important!?" He sounded angry.. frustrated? "Elliot, you know you can trust me!"

My defensive wall weakened and I felt a brick slide out. "It's.. It's Bella.." I said quietly.

"What?"

"My name.. It's Bella.. Isa..Bella.." I closed my eyes, my heart thumping erratically against my chest.

"Open the door!" He bellowed banging repeatedly on the door.

For fear he might break it I slowly got up and opened the door.

"Dammit," He swore, and got up and came back inside. "What's going on?"

I shook my head slowly "I.. I really can't tell you.." I whispered, wishing things were different and I didn't have to lie. I wished I could be myself, and not have to hide. I wish I had somebody to talk to...

"Elliot" He said through clenched teeth "Why'd you call me Jacob?Why'd you say your name is Bella? And will you explain to me what the fuck is going on?"

I looked up from my feet and stared at his bright green eyes, my wall of bricks had been weakening since I met him. Something in the way he looked at me. Or his smile. Every time he laughed another block shook. And when he brushed my hand when we cooked another cracked. I felt a passionate need to be able to have someone to hold me while I cried and have no barriers to stop me from saying what I felt and have them be truthful and help me through my rough points. And I wanted to have someone to love, be loved by and have love with. I wanted that person to be Edward.

"Edward, I haven't told you the truth about myself.." I started slowly, wrapping my arms around my stomach, the aching pain starting.

"Three years ago, I lived in Forks, Washington.. my.. my.. mother was murdered, by a man named Mike. He stalked me for almost three years before that, and when I began going out with my boyfriends.. Jacob.. He threatened that if I didn't be his girlfriend I would 'regret it'" I cringed remembering when he had hit me "I love Jacob.. more then anybody else I knew, he was my sun. He was everything to me..." I felt the hot tears touch my face. "When.. When he proposed Mike found out.. He .. He beat up Jake and.. he.." I sobbed my hands clutching my chest, which shook without restraint. "He raped me.." I choked out. "He tied me up and left me in the woods. When the cops found me two days later.. But Mike had already" I let the tears flow and my lip quivered as the words I hadn't spoken for so long came out "He killed her. He killed Angela. And Ben. And Jess. And Erik. And Quil." I whispered remembering my old dog. "Jacob, was alright after having a couple surgeries, but they couldn't take any precautions, so they put us into the Witness Protection Program.. and.. and I haven't heard or seen anything from Jacob.." I sobbed relentlessly "And I miss him so much" I wailed, sinking to the ground "I've had no one for so long... And then.. You.. You come along. And I need someone more then ever and.. I want you to my someone.." I looked up into Edward's eyes, my vision blurry with tears.

He touched my cheek wiping away the tears and smiled, his perfect eyes glinting as he scooped me up carrying into my bedroom. He lay me down on the bed and sat next to me, touching my face, my hair, my hands. "I'll be your someone. I always will be your someone. I swear. Isabella." He smiled again. I felt my eyelids drop slowly, my eyelashes shadowing him from view. I finally let sleep take over and Edward helped me under the covers, his hands lingering on my cheek, brushing my lips.

Edward's POV

I wanted to kiss her so bad, but I just couldn't. I loved this strange creature Isabella, or Elliot, whoever she was. I loved her, and I knew it.


End file.
